Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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