does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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