Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
