We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
