Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
