so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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