Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
