I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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