i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
