Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
