you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
