Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
