Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
