sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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