But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
