That's intense
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
