so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
do herpes really smell.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Enjoy the penises
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
