you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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