hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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