Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
