I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
