we have officially lost it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
