all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
