my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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