I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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