I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
