Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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