Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
