Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
