i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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