He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
