the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
