why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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