CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They have beer where we have blood.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
