you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
