i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
