dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
