u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
