yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
