I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
