she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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