dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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