have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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