Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
