drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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