I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
