it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
