Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize