how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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