his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Randomize
