can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
