Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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